The Coagulation of Ellen's Soup
by HarmonyGal
Summary: A broken world. A broken man. A leg, unbroken. A trust, betrayed. Chicken. Corn. Hair. In a puddle. On the grass. Mia. Mia. Mia. Coagulation. (Another story written by me and my crazy friend! ENJOY!)


Andy swiftly coagulated a soupy leg out of Ellen's lunch. It was long, spindly, but strangely tender to the touch as he carefully balanced it between his two hands.

"Dude."

He analysed it from all sides—the thigh, the calf, the hollow of the knee—trying to find a point of insertion.

"Dude—what are you doing."

Maybe the kneecap? No, too hard. The shin? Too… bony.

"Are you… wait…"

No, it was definitely the knee hollow. He nodded, satisfied—then stretched out the leg, plunged his neck forward and bared his teeth.

"DUDE!"

Andy halted, and glanced up at Ellen. "What?"

"You can't just go around changing people's soup into legs! Man, I think that forest traumatized you."

"Did not," And protested. "and besides, if Bare Grylls was—"

"ENOUGH WITH BEAR GRILLS! GIVE ME BACK MY SOUP!" Ellen cried.

"Better give it back to her," Felix said. He had moments ago emerged from the science block with Jake at his heels. "you really don't want to make Ellen mad. Once, I took her bracelet, and she flushed my goldfish down the toilet."

"Actually, that was me," Jake admitted.

"Can we please get back on topic?" Ellen said. "Andy just turned my lunch into a leg, will one of you do something?"

"What do you want us to do, send him to his room?" Jake asked, and he and Felix sat down their their friends under their now regular lunch spot – a large oak tree near the basket ball courts.

Andy takes a bite.

"ANDY!" Ellen bats the leg out of his hand and to the ground in a puddle of chicken-and-corn. "What did I tell you!?"

Andy looks incredulous. "What the heck, Ellen?"

 _"_ _Mia,"_ growls Sam, approaching from the bushes.

"I told you," Ellen continues, "not to coagulate my soup into a disgustingly hairy leg for your consumption. And what do you do?"

"I can't help it Ellen," Andy pouts. "I can't help it."

 _"_ _Mia."_ He sits down under the tree.

Ellen pokes at the fibres sticking out of the puddle on the grass. "You made it hairy, too. Gross."

"I have a problem, Ellen. I have a problem."

 _"_ _Mia."_ Sam pulls an apple out of his bag and takes a bite.

"What's gotten into you, dude?" asks Jake.

 _"_ _Mia,"_ he says, chunks of fruit falling out of his mouth.

Felix shook his head in despair. "He's still upset about Mia. He's taking this break up way too hard."

"MIA!" Sam yelled, chunks of apple spraying all over Jake.

"HEY!" Jake said, wiping the gunk off of him.

"I know what will cheer you up," Andy said joyfully. "Here, have some hairy chicken-corn soup. I can re-form it into a leg if you want."

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Ellen barked, making Andy shuffle a little ways away from her.

Felix grinned. "Ready to give up your pursuit for her?"

"Never," Andy said, relentless.

"You're going to have to at some point. There's only one person at this school that can handle that girl, and that is—"

"MIIIIIIAAAAAA!"

"We really have to find you a new girlfriend," Jake said.

"Boys, boys!" exclaims Phoebe, running over.

"I'm here too, y'know," says Ellen.

Phoebe clutches her knees. "There's … an issue. A big one," she pants. "Another … restoring demon … with … strange demands."

Jake stands up, flexing his knuckles. "Where is it," he says intimidatingly. "Time to kick some butt. Because I'm cool and muscled, and shit. _Heh_."

"She's asking …" Phoebe takes a breath and pulls herself up. "She's asking for a leg made out of chicken-and-corn soup. If she doesn't get it within 24 hours … well, let's just say you'll REALLY be Nowhere, Boys."

"Oh—how very convenient!" Andy scoffs with an out-of-character chew of his cigar. "I have the fine materials at hand, madame." He gives a wink behind his monocle. "Just take a seat at your leisure and I will have the body part prepared before you can say, 'shave and a haircut, two bits'! Guffaw!'

"Awesome," says Phoebe. "Problem solved. Epic style."

"And the moral of this story is," announces Sam, standing up and gesticulating to the audience. "This story was a complete waste of your time." He bows, and this world is swiftly coagulated out of existence.

TO BE CONTINUED...


End file.
